Here I am… in nature, sitting by a campfire, gobbling up a memoir that is speaking directly to my inner voice. There are so many feels right now, so many “that is me!” moments, that I cannot put the book down, except to add more wood to the fire, fill up my glass of wine, or go pee. Untamed by Glennon Doyle, highly recommend for the “caged” female.
This weekend, I am feeling more like myself then I have in a long time. I am slightly disconnected from the real world (slightly because I have full service, have been posting on social media, and guiltily have checked my work email.) But I have no pressure right now- no pressure to make sure everyone around me is ok. No pressure to clean, though I did a mighty good job of cleaning our griddle this morning. No pressure to keep busy, which is how I feel, ALL the time.
Many of the women I have met with Endometriosis have a similar, high functioning mentality, which makes this disease even more messed up. Innately, we want to be doing all the time. So when you are inflicted with a disease that says, nope! You are in bed all day today!, it is tremendously hard, emotionally and mentally. But should we be “doing” all the time? No! And that stress of constantly thinking of what needs to happen next, and how it can be achieved, not just accomplished, but successful accomplished, puts so much stress on our bodies.
And that stress, clearly leads to inflammation, my dear friends! Endo feeds off that inflammation, that stress, that consistent need to accomplish and successfully accomplish. I have talked to my therapist so many times about how not to be this person that needs to be exceeding all the time. Even on this camping trip, I exceeded at packing so we only had to take one car. I organized the items by category, and ensured we had everything we needed and more (including a back up tent in case there was an issue with our new tent). Last night, our propane wasn’t working so we couldn’t cook our burgers. I was a stressed out mess, because my plan fell through and I felt like I let my family down. So what do I do? Google how to make burgers on an open fire with tin foil, which I was laser focused on achieving, and wow were they delicious! But during the whole exchange, my stress bled into my husband’s good time, which was the complete opposite of what this weekend was meant to be.
May I state, for the record that he is currently taking a nap on this beautiful afternoon? I worked quickly to evaporate that stress last night, recognizing its negative, tentacle like effects on everyone. But it lives, dormant like deep inside, just waiting to come out. Which is exactly what our Endo does, quiet until that next ovulation, that influx of estrogen, that horrible period which leaves you in the fetal position for day.
So here is for a weekend of letting go, a weekend of escape, a weekend of reading and resetting. We all needs this time and I hope you get some soon!