Surgery- Quick Update

Yesterday’s surgery was over 3 hours long. My doctor was a little delayed due to a previous surgery she had and I thought I would have a tremendous amount of anxiety while waiting. I did not. I was firm in my decision and was calmly waiting for my turn, for this new chapter. This recoveryContinue reading “Surgery- Quick Update”

Tomorrow is the Day

It is 11pm the night before my surgery and I am up, crying, feeling uneasy but firm in my decision for tomorrow. My fertility does not define me, I keep telling myself, though it has for a very long time. I have been infertile for 8 years now, the only hope of fertility for meContinue reading “Tomorrow is the Day”

One Week Until THE DAY

One week from today, I am having a hysterectomy and removal of my right ovary. One week from today, no more periods, no more ability to conceive, and hopefully not as much pain. Every day for the past few weeks, I have been going back and forth, like an indecisive pendulum, swinging into the “thisContinue reading “One Week Until THE DAY”

Has the storm passed?

It has been months since I have written. Months of living in what feels like a fog of sadness, grief and pain and despair so thick I cannot breathe at times. I was faking it for awhile, forced smiles and laughter and pushing my body to the brink every day. I can be strong! IContinue reading “Has the storm passed?”

Decisions, Decisions

All of my posts seem so down, so depressing, so hopeless. Anyone who meets me in real life, finds me quite the opposite. A facade of energy, happiness, ability, strength, and having it all together. Even my therapist said I am very PC, sugar coating my life and my feelings when describing things- and toContinue reading “Decisions, Decisions”

A New Year

It has been so many days since I have written. Days that I have just tried to be strong and push through. Days that have been filled with trying to bring cheer to my family and my work team which is so hard to do with the pandemic. Days where I put everyone else firstContinue reading “A New Year”

Hollow

Today was the appointment with the fertility specialist we have had on the books for weeks. An appointment I had booked in order to confirm my decision to not proceed with fertility treatment, to take out my uterus the next go around for surgery. And when we left, I had hot stinging tears streaming downContinue reading “Hollow”

Bone Weary Tired

I am sorry it has been so long since I posted… If there is a realm that exists beyond being bone weary tired, that is where I currently live morning, afternoon, and night. Walking 14,000 steps on Saturday at work and being verbally assaulted by an angry person who doesn’t want to wear a mask,Continue reading “Bone Weary Tired”

First Day Back at Work

Day 1 back at work and I am exhausted… It was overwhelmingly wonderful to see my team, the love they expressed with me being back, the love I feel for all of my wonderful co-workers. It was also overwhelming being so bone weary tired and not feeling like myself. Something feels like it has shiftedContinue reading “First Day Back at Work”

Disconnected

I have been feeling… a little bit disconnected the past few days. Disconnected from my family, from my feelings, from the fact I am going back to work in a few days. I have been reading a tremendous amount and trying to spend time with my family, though I just feel like I am there,Continue reading “Disconnected”