Untamed, too?

Here I am… in nature, sitting by a campfire, gobbling up a memoir that is speaking directly to my inner voice. There are so many feels right now, so many “that is me!” moments, that I cannot put the book down, except to add more wood to the fire, fill up my glass of wine,Continue reading “Untamed, too?”

Sterile

You would think I would have been hit with the gut wrenching reality of being sterile, at least once since my surgery. But nope, I keep living in some sort of ignorant bliss, and have not cried once about my lack of womb. I have noticed, though, my use of humor as a way toContinue reading “Sterile”

Normalcy… Never

I’ve lived these past few months as if I didn’t have Endo. I started drinking caffeine again and eating meat (really, to try lose some of this hysterectomy weight gain!), and was pain free for the first time in what feels like forever. I stayed up late, I started going to the gym, we wentContinue reading “Normalcy… Never”

Emotional Rollercoaster

It is 8 weeks post surgery and I haven’t written in so long. At first, it was because I had such little energy. I went back to work after 3 weeks, yes only 3 weeks, and had to use all of my energy to deal with customers and my amazing but large team. Then myContinue reading “Emotional Rollercoaster”

Tomorrow is the Day

It is 11pm the night before my surgery and I am up, crying, feeling uneasy but firm in my decision for tomorrow. My fertility does not define me, I keep telling myself, though it has for a very long time. I have been infertile for 8 years now, the only hope of fertility for meContinue reading “Tomorrow is the Day”

One Week Until THE DAY

One week from today, I am having a hysterectomy and removal of my right ovary. One week from today, no more periods, no more ability to conceive, and hopefully not as much pain. Every day for the past few weeks, I have been going back and forth, like an indecisive pendulum, swinging into the “thisContinue reading “One Week Until THE DAY”

Has the storm passed?

It has been months since I have written. Months of living in what feels like a fog of sadness, grief and pain and despair so thick I cannot breathe at times. I was faking it for awhile, forced smiles and laughter and pushing my body to the brink every day. I can be strong! IContinue reading “Has the storm passed?”

Decisions, Decisions

All of my posts seem so down, so depressing, so hopeless. Anyone who meets me in real life, finds me quite the opposite. A facade of energy, happiness, ability, strength, and having it all together. Even my therapist said I am very PC, sugar coating my life and my feelings when describing things- and toContinue reading “Decisions, Decisions”

A New Year

It has been so many days since I have written. Days that I have just tried to be strong and push through. Days that have been filled with trying to bring cheer to my family and my work team which is so hard to do with the pandemic. Days where I put everyone else firstContinue reading “A New Year”

First Day Back at Work

Day 1 back at work and I am exhausted… It was overwhelmingly wonderful to see my team, the love they expressed with me being back, the love I feel for all of my wonderful co-workers. It was also overwhelming being so bone weary tired and not feeling like myself. Something feels like it has shiftedContinue reading “First Day Back at Work”