I am not ok…

It has been so long since I have written. Not just in this blog but anything- no poems, nada, zilch. Until last week, when I did an EMDR therapy session, my first processing session, processing a traumatic event from when I was 4. And wow, did the tears fall fast and hard, for forty minutesContinue reading “I am not ok…”

Tomorrow Marks Two Weeks Post Surgery

This has been an interesting recovery, different than my previous surgeries. Maybe due to the sense of finality? Maybe due to the fact my pelvic cavity is quite empty and I do not have a uterus or right ovary try to recover from all of the scraping of Endo? There has been pain, but notContinue reading “Tomorrow Marks Two Weeks Post Surgery”

Surgery- Quick Update

Yesterday’s surgery was over 3 hours long. My doctor was a little delayed due to a previous surgery she had and I thought I would have a tremendous amount of anxiety while waiting. I did not. I was firm in my decision and was calmly waiting for my turn, for this new chapter. This recoveryContinue reading “Surgery- Quick Update”

Tomorrow is the Day

It is 11pm the night before my surgery and I am up, crying, feeling uneasy but firm in my decision for tomorrow. My fertility does not define me, I keep telling myself, though it has for a very long time. I have been infertile for 8 years now, the only hope of fertility for meContinue reading “Tomorrow is the Day”

Has the storm passed?

It has been months since I have written. Months of living in what feels like a fog of sadness, grief and pain and despair so thick I cannot breathe at times. I was faking it for awhile, forced smiles and laughter and pushing my body to the brink every day. I can be strong! IContinue reading “Has the storm passed?”

Post-Op Appointment Left Me In Tears

There has been so much hope in my heart but also a deep feeling of dread that I did not want to admit. I have had this feeling before, like when I was signing my consent forms for my misdiagnosed appendicitis with the possible outcomes of what would happen in surgery, I knew at thatContinue reading “Post-Op Appointment Left Me In Tears”

So… tired…

This surgery has been physically more taxing than my previous two. Yesterday marked 7 days and I tried to tag along to the grocery store and a car ride. By the end of the hour and a half outing, I was beyond exhausted. I had pressure building in my belly, familiar aches that made meContinue reading “So… tired…”

What did they find in Surgery #3?

One of the biggest fears Endo patients have is if there really is Endometriosis inside of them. You cannot see it on an ultrasound, truly you cannot be diagnosed officially until they cut into you. You read stories of some women with such severe pain but then the doctors find very little Endo and someContinue reading “What did they find in Surgery #3?”