Untamed, too?

Here I am… in nature, sitting by a campfire, gobbling up a memoir that is speaking directly to my inner voice. There are so many feels right now, so many “that is me!” moments, that I cannot put the book down, except to add more wood to the fire, fill up my glass of wine,Continue reading “Untamed, too?”

Sterile

You would think I would have been hit with the gut wrenching reality of being sterile, at least once since my surgery. But nope, I keep living in some sort of ignorant bliss, and have not cried once about my lack of womb. I have noticed, though, my use of humor as a way toContinue reading “Sterile”

Emotional Rollercoaster

It is 8 weeks post surgery and I haven’t written in so long. At first, it was because I had such little energy. I went back to work after 3 weeks, yes only 3 weeks, and had to use all of my energy to deal with customers and my amazing but large team. Then myContinue reading “Emotional Rollercoaster”

Tomorrow Marks Two Weeks Post Surgery

This has been an interesting recovery, different than my previous surgeries. Maybe due to the sense of finality? Maybe due to the fact my pelvic cavity is quite empty and I do not have a uterus or right ovary try to recover from all of the scraping of Endo? There has been pain, but notContinue reading “Tomorrow Marks Two Weeks Post Surgery”

Tomorrow is the Day

It is 11pm the night before my surgery and I am up, crying, feeling uneasy but firm in my decision for tomorrow. My fertility does not define me, I keep telling myself, though it has for a very long time. I have been infertile for 8 years now, the only hope of fertility for meContinue reading “Tomorrow is the Day”

Decisions, Decisions

All of my posts seem so down, so depressing, so hopeless. Anyone who meets me in real life, finds me quite the opposite. A facade of energy, happiness, ability, strength, and having it all together. Even my therapist said I am very PC, sugar coating my life and my feelings when describing things- and toContinue reading “Decisions, Decisions”

Bone Weary Tired

I am sorry it has been so long since I posted… If there is a realm that exists beyond being bone weary tired, that is where I currently live morning, afternoon, and night. Walking 14,000 steps on Saturday at work and being verbally assaulted by an angry person who doesn’t want to wear a mask,Continue reading “Bone Weary Tired”

Disconnected

I have been feeling… a little bit disconnected the past few days. Disconnected from my family, from my feelings, from the fact I am going back to work in a few days. I have been reading a tremendous amount and trying to spend time with my family, though I just feel like I am there,Continue reading “Disconnected”

Invisible Disease

There are so many challenges with having an invisible disease, challenges that make it harder to even believe yourself. From the outside, you look strong and healthy, besides maybe a bloated belly at times (oh Endobloat!). People cannot connect the dots that you feel like knives are being dragged along your abdomen because it isContinue reading “Invisible Disease”

Post-Op Appointment Left Me In Tears

There has been so much hope in my heart but also a deep feeling of dread that I did not want to admit. I have had this feeling before, like when I was signing my consent forms for my misdiagnosed appendicitis with the possible outcomes of what would happen in surgery, I knew at thatContinue reading “Post-Op Appointment Left Me In Tears”