In 2017, I was laying on a table at a fertility specialist’s office for my first visit with so much hope in my heart. I had finally taken the plunge after years of trying to conceive. I swallowed my humiliation and called for an appointment. I knew something was wrong with me, my husband has two incredible children with his very awesome ex-wife. I kept telling myself, you need to lose weight before the appointment, you need to exercise more, stop having wine, be consistent with your vitamins, and kept prolonging booking the appointment.
So there I was, 32 years old, wanting so desperately to be able to have a child with my husband, laying on the table with that thin paper covering my nakedness, knowing our time to conceive was slipping away. My step-son had been asking for a sibling for many years (I have been in his life since he was a year and half) and everyone would constantly ask us when we would be having kids. Everyone! We had met at work and knew hundreds of the same people who genuinely wanted us to have a baby. The pressure was truly overwhelming at times, though it came from a place of love.
The doctor came in and asked the normal questions I had been asked from previous OBs. Painful periods? My whole life, since I was 10 years old. Sometimes the pain wakes me up at night crying. Abnormal bleeding? I have been noticing that my periods have been heavier and with more clots. Your husband has kids? Yes, two. Ok, let’s get this ultrasound underway. The lights flickered off, this old, bulky ultrasound machine was in the room and the doctor pulled it towards me. Alright, this is going to be cold. Are you ready? Yes, I am. But was I really ready for what she was about to tell me? Absolutely not. Within three minutes, she diagnosed me with Endometriosis since she saw a large cyst on my right ovary called an Endometrioma (filled with blood). She was 95% sure I had endometriosis and scheduled blood work for me. Once that was confirmed, my first surgery was scheduled. And now, a few days out from my third surgery, I am hoping with all of the energy in my body that third time is a charm.
I have entered into this whirlwind of life with Endometriosis that has been frustrating, infuriating, and humbling at times. So many nights woken up in searing pain so bad that no position alleviates the pain; curled in a ball, child’s pose, sitting on the toilet, laying in scalding hot water. And this life is lonely. I am surrounded by love and understanding from my incredible husband, step-kids, mom and dad, sisters and brother, aunts, sister-in-laws and brother-in-laws, and friends. I try to share as much as I can to educate people of Endo, but I also hold so much inside.
Am I an Endo expert? No, though I have done a tremendous amount of personal research. Am I giving medical advice? Absolutely not! Am I sharing with you my daily life with Endo? Absolutely, yes. My struggles, my reality, which I am sure is similar to all of those women suffering from Endometriosis.
Thank you for reading!